Sex toys have become as common a conversation piece as the weather, but it’s still tricky to ask our partners whether or not they’d be down to try a cock ring or mini vibe. Sex toys can be intimidating, almost scary, to those of us who’ve never dreamed of putting something with a motor near our nether regions. And others associate sex toys with filling some kind of void or fixing an inadequacy in our current sexual situations, which are NOT good feelings for foreplay.
Fortunately, there are ways to side-step the insecurities and taboo that sex toys can bring, and we’ve compiled some of our favorite and most effective tips just for you!
1. Use Your Words
“But we don’t NEED one.” Heard this before? It’s not uncommon for men or women to feel as though sex toys are made to take the place of human interaction and body parts, but almost every sex toy on the planet can be enjoyed as a couple. So keep that in mind when you’re thinking about how to broach the subject and be sure to include your partner in the idea.
“I read that using a vibrator while we have sex can help me orgasm faster! I’d love to try that tonight!”
“I think it’d be super-hot to wear a butt plug next time we’re together – what do you think?”
“Thinking about you using a sex toy makes me so horny – can we try one sometime?”
The most important goal is to make sure your partner understands that sex toys are sexual enhancements – NOT replacements – and that whatever new gadget or gizmo makes it into the bedroom is for both of your pleasures. These kinds of intimate products add sensations and stimulation in ways our fingers and bodies simply can’t, and that’s what makes them so exciting – and SO worth trying.
2. Shop Together
Shopping is a treat for some and a drag to others, but when it comes to picking out something sexy to use together, you HAVE to check out your options as a team! If you or your partner isn’t part of the selection process, one of you will miss out on an important bonding experience that helps set the scene (and the mood) for what might happen later behind closed doors. Maybe she would have liked the blue vibrator instead of the pink. Or maybe he would have wanted to try that cock ring you saw but didn’t buy.
Perusing the shelves of lingerie, cock rings, mini vibes and other sexy playthings gives you both the opportunity to explore and see what catches your eye – you might be surprised at what strikes you!
Plus, shopping together gives you both a chance to learn a little more about each other’s curiosities and kinks, which builds intimacy almost as fast as anticipation. And once you get comfortable shopping for sex gear together, heading to the store (or even simply scrolling through adult shopping sites online) can feel like foreplay without anyone’s clothes even hitting the ground.
3. Start Small
If you’re new to sex toys, or if your partner is open but still not convinced, it might be a good idea to start with the basics before moving onto something next-level. Think about what you’re curious to try together (Anal play? Clit stimulation during doggy style? Maybe a vibrating ring?) and check out your options. Some products are made to be disposable, something you can try once to see if you like it – and then toss if you don’t. Most sex toys have beginner-level versions that are reusable but cost a lot less, which takes some of the pressure off of choosing the perfect one.
Stretchy one-size-fits-most cock rings are low-cost, low-commitment, and typically easier for beginners to try. Bullets, mini vibes, and small hand-held massagers are great starter vibrators for stimulating the clitoris, nipples, testicles, taint – pretty much anywhere that feels sensitive to the touch. Vibrating tongue rings or vibrating penis rings are also fun and inexpensive options for those of us just starting out on our sex toy adventures.
Most of us wouldn’t jump in the deep end before learning to doggy paddle or put the pedal to the metal during a DMV driving test. The same goes for sex toy shopping: ease your way into it and try to keep the pace of your partner. Work your way up to the next level as a team and enjoy the ride along the way!
4. Sharing is Caring
No matter what the package might say, most vibrators can – and SHOULD! – be used on men AND women. Mini vibes are great for her clitoris, but don’t forget that he might like to feel the buzz on his balls during a blowjob. And vibrating rings feel great worn around the penis and testicles, but try wrapping the ring around a finger and touching her nipples or teasing her lips.
CAUTION: This is only safe to do when you and your partner have been tested and declared STI-free, because you’ll inevitably be swapping more than just each other’s sex toys while you’re at it. And please keep in mind that anything that goes in or around your anal area should be washed thoroughly before it goes anywhere near the rest of your body to avoid spreading icky bacteria where you don’t want it! #themoreyouknow
5. Learn by Doing
No one wants to be schooled in the bedroom (even if we could use a tip or three) and that especially applies when sex toys are part of the plan. One of you might know a little more about vibrators than the other, but don’t take on the teacher role just yet – unless that’s part of the fantasy, of course!
Open each toy and read the instructions together. Part of the fun is checking them out, turning them on, and watching each other’s faces change as you experiment with what feels good, what feels “meh,” and what feels “ohmigoddontstop.”
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